Understanding
by AsheriteAbyss13
Summary: Haru's feelings for Raku and her love to her sister is in turmoil. How will she deal with them when she's at breaking point?


More Haru x Raku fanfiction. Is it just me or do I always pick the underdog couple when it comes to harems? I always find it ironic that the best characters are usually the ones that get shafted by the main pairings. It's a shame but that's what fanfiction is for.

* * *

Understanding.

I don't understand how this happened.

When did Raku-senpai become so important to me?

When did he start hanging out with me more often?

When did I stop getting angry over that and started to look forward to meeting him?

When did I start to get uncomfortable when he looked at Onee-chan in a stupid way?

When did I start to get jealous of Onee-chan and Chitoge senpai?

But can I continue to do this?

Onee-chan loves Raku senpai.

And…. And surely Raku…. No. I'm sure senpai loves her back. It's such an inevitability that I should laugh. It shouldn't be a problem to give up right?

Yet that doesn't explain why I'm staining my pillow with tears.

Should I? Can I? Do I want to?

I spend another night in misery.

* * *

I manage to fool my sister and my mother. But its taking its toll. I'm slowly losing the ability to smile over it. And every time she asks me if there is anything wrong, it just hurts.

I just want to scream: You're what's wrong! Or something like that.

For the first time in my life I wish my sister didn't exist.

If only I was the only child of the family. If only I was older. If only I met Raku first.

Fate played a cruel game on me.

If only I never met him. If only I never loved him.

I go to school. I try to avoid him. But some curse must be keeping him next to me.

Apparently Onee-chan and Chitoge senpai are meeting and Raku isn't invited.

He's got nothing better to do. So, he bothers me. He walks me home. He smiles at me. He smiles like I'm the only one he cares about right now. He smiles like I have a chance.

I know that this isn't true. He loves to talk to me about Onee-chan.

But today seems different. He seems to be talking less about Onee-chan. We talk about sweets. And for a minute I can forgot the turmoil he's put me through.

We get closer to the shop. He slows down like he's reluctant to reach my place so quickly.

Is he too shy to meet Onee-chan? He must be. He's weak willed like that.

I rush him along. I don't want to be a part of this.

He grabs me like he wants to keep me there. I let go and get home before he can catch up.

How I wish he just left me alone.

When I get home Onee-chan seems excited. She seems have picked up the courage to ask senpai on a date. Chitoge-san seemed help her make a date plan. She seemed confident. I was praying half-heartedly for it to work.

This should end it, right?

I don't have to struggle anymore right?

Holding back tears I make my decision.

* * *

The next day I do my best to keep it cool.

The first hour felt like an eternity.

The second hour felt like limbo.

The next few were pure hellfire.

School ends. The bell rings.

Surely now Onee-chan must be approaching Raku-senpai.

Surely now she's gathering her courage.

She must have said the words by now.

Senpai should be in a state of shock now. He was never able to handle shock revelations so well.

I find myself snickering slightly in the memories.

But surely he must have regained himself and said, yes right?

He must be so ecstatic.

I'm not sure about Onee-chan's plan but surely he'll make it right?

Surely after the date, they'll start properly dating right?

He'll be so love-struck for weeks. It'll be so sickening to watch.

And after that he'll come the realisation that he needs help to keep her.

So, he'll come to me.

And…. I'll gladly give my advice. With a big smile. Because I want Onee-chan to be happy.

But most of all…. I want senpai to be happy.

I would have gotten over this. Just in time to be there for him like I have been.

* * *

Looking around I notice that my vision has gotten blurry.

Rubbing my eyes cakes my fingers in tears.

My desk is flooded with tears.

I've never cried this much before.

I wonder if I'll ever cry this much again.

Maybe at someone's funeral, I rationalise.

I get up and try to leave the classroom.

But I must be completely off it today.

I trip and stumble. And the near the door I trip again. I don't have the time to react.

"Haru-chan!"

Someone's caught me. It's a reassuring grip. It's a familiar one.

"Are you okay Haru-chan?" senpai asked.

He helped me to my feet and there I regained my balance.

I stare at him. What was he doing here?

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I was here to see if you've left already. I wanted to walk home with you. I'm glad that I made it…" Senpai replied.

"What about Onee-chan?" I ask angrily.

"Did you just leave her?!" I demand.

"What are you talking about? I never met Onodera. She told me she wanted to meet me after school but she never showed up. But after school she got up and left. She texted me back saying it was something urgent and that she was sorry." Senpai responded.

He showed me the text message.

"So she never told you…." I mutter.

"I do have to keep holding on then?" I question.

"I do have to keep holding on to the hope that some chance luck gave me?"

"When will the world finally put this to rest?" I mutter darkly.

"What's the problem Haru-chan?"

At that moment, I snapped. The dam burst. Everything I was trying to hold back came rushing forward.

"The problem? The problem is you!"

"The problem is Onee-chan!"

"Just when are you going to realise it and get together!?"

"Get together? What do you mean?" Senpai questioned!

"You know what I mean! Start dating! Getting together!" I shout.

"God knows that you like her! And if my sister got her act together you two would have been sailing your ship TOGETHER!" I continue.

"I'm tired of this! I'm tired of this delay! Just confess to her already! Somebody just confess to the other!"

"Why?" He asks.

"She likes you idiot! I'm sorry to Onee-chan but if she isn't saying it then I will!"

"She likes me?"

"Yes, she does!" I scream and shout.

"Just why haven't you done anything?" I despair.

"Just why has the inevitable been delayed for so long?" I cry out.

"Just why are you keeping me next you? Just why are you making me feel hope?" I break down.

"Hope?"

"I fell in love with you. You wanted my advice for Onee-chan! We started to hang out! But then without trying to I fell in love with you!"

"I didn't mean for it. I wanted to help Onee-chan! But then this all happened!"

"I started to feel jealous! I start to imagine a world without Onee-chan! A world where I was happy with you!"

"But that's terrible right? How can I steal you from Onee-chan!?"

"But why are you hanging out with me? Why do you want to keep walking me home? Why aren't you going with Onee-chan?"

"Why can't I stop this? Why can't I whole heartedly support you?"

"Every time I think it's the end, every time I think I can let go! Something ruins it!"

"Why do you keep giving me hope? Why is it that when Onee-chan fails I cheer silently and despair even more?"

"Why can't I avoid you? Why can't I stop getting drawn in with conversations with you? Why do I feel my happiest moments with you? Why do I feel the most unhappy when I see your face?"

"Please, please. Just let me go. I don't want to see you anymore. Please just date Onee-chan. Go to the shop, confess to her. Don't come back to me for a while."

"Please don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want to play both sides. I love you but please just go."

I'm sobbing again.

But I'm instantly wrapped by a warm embrace.

"Let go of me. Didn't you hear me? Please just let go off me." I cry out exhausted.

After a brief pause, he looks at me determined.

"I won't."

"I'm not letting you go. I'm keeping you by my side." He responded.

"Don't be selfish! Are you going to let me continue feeling this way forever?" I cry out.

"I am being selfish! You mean so much more to me compared to something I can just throw away!"

"To me you're as important to me as Onodera is. Somehow you two became equal in my eyes."

"I'll admit something to you Haru-chan. My feelings for your sister is wavering. They are changing and new people have made a mess of what I used to hold as forever. You in particular dealt a slaming blow to that belief."

"I couldn't believe that I met such an energetic, fun, patient, cute such as you. More than anyone else I looked forward to meeting you and relaxing. I'm always nervous when I meet the others. But with you its fine, I can relax and I can laugh. I can laugh at the mistakes I made, I can smile when you make a new sweet. It's been the most fun I've had."

"I don't know if it's enough to take me away from Onodera. I don't know if in fact I already do love you. But I know that being with you is a necessity."

"So Haru-chan. Please don't give up. I can't promise that in the end you'll be happy. I might dash your hopes and dreams again but…. I'm not willing to let you go because you think you don't have a chance." Senpai concluded.

"So it's okay for me to oppose Onee-chan?"

"Yeah."

"It's okay if I steal you away?"

"Yeah."

"Will Onee-chan be okay with that?"

"Onodera will get over it, right?"

"I see. In that case I understand."

I slowly make him let go of me. With tears in my eyes. With my balance, all shaky. I prepare to tell him once more. Properly this time.

I drag him across the hall and head towards the school roof.

I open the doors to the roof.

Its bright. Too bright. But it's not enough to stop me from looking him in the eye

"Raku. First I want to thank you. I can safely say that I'm going to keep moving forward, even if I have to oppose Onee-chan." I thank him.

"Secondly. I love you. I'm not going to want an answer now. But I am waiting. Please sort it out quickly. Don't leave me or Onee-chan waiting for too long." I confess with a smile.

He's stunned like he normally is. But he looks at me and smiles.

It's at that moment when I pounce.

I kiss him, squarely in the cheeks and briskly leave the roof.

He catches up to me and even though he not in the right mind to do so he walks me home.

* * *

I'm a bit nervous as I get to Onee-chan's room.

She seems to notice me before I get though. She opens the door and before she can ask me what's wrong again I tell her.

"I'm sorry Onee-chan. From this point on I'm your sister and your rival." I declare

She is shocked for a bit but she smiles.

"That's great Haru. May the best girl win." She congratulates and declares.

I'm not sure how it'll all play out but I no longer feel unhappiness. I simply feel the anticipation for tomorrow and my overflowing feelings.

The end.

* * *

And that's a wrap. Feel free to review!


End file.
